We may continue to tolerate things that are intolerable to us to avoid a conflict.Withholding our truth can be a form of control, just as telling our truth can be a form of control. We may want to control Elevator Fan Suppliers how another feels about us and treats us. We want to make sure we don't get attacked or rejected. Often I hear my clients say, when I encourage them to tell the truth, "I can't say that. He (or she) will get mad." Yes, he or she might get hurt or mad. Yet courage may mean the willingness to speak your truth anyway and learn to deal with the other person's response. This is part of developing an inner loving Adult self - learning to not take the other person's behavior personally, learning to stay solid in our truth and allow the other person to go through whatever he or she experiences in response to our truths without taking responsibility for the other's feelings.Avoiding the other's hurt and anger is only one part of the challenge.

The other part is that we may be unwilling to know the truth regarding whether or not that other person cares about what is important to us. If, for example, you tell your mate that you are unhappy with a particular aspect of your sex life, and your mate gets hurt or angry instead of wanting to understand, you might feel even worse. It feels awful to speak our truth and receive an uncaring response. The deeper feeling is one of gut-wrenching loneliness. It is deeply lonely to share something that is important to us and receive an uncaring response from some one important to us.So, not only are we often afraid of dealing with another's anger, but we may be even more afraid of the lonely feeling of being uncared for. Until we are willing to know the truth of whether or not the other person really does care about what is important to us, we may avoid speaking our truth.

However, when we withhold our truth to avoid conflict and avoid feeling uncared for by another, the consequence is that we feel alone and maybe depressed because we are not caring about ourselves. When we don't stand up for ourselves, we end up feeling unimportant, regardless of how others treat us. We cannot ignore ourselves and feel good inside.The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Are we willing to give ourselves up to avoid losing others, or are we willing to lose others rather than lose ourselves?" I have found that losing myself is never worth it. If I lose others as a result of speaking my truth, then I have to accept the truth that those people never had my highest good at heart anyway. People who care about my highest good applaud me when I speak the truth that supports my highest good.